Monday, January 3, 2011
Sometimes it Takes Lots of Prayer
Yesterday I was at my nephew’s house with my sister and we were talking about babies. It is not always easy to have a baby. Those who conceive easily are truly blessed from God. Some people can’t conceive at all and some have miscarriages. I had 13 miscarriages when I was married to my now ex-husband. It is very hard to explain the loss and confusions that accompanies a miscarriage. I was consoled by my friends and they would usually say “you will get pregnant again.” But, my problem was not getting pregnant, but losing the babies. My devastation was mostly internal. At a bible study group, a woman accused me of not believing in having children and going against God because I didn’t have any children and I was 30 years old. Some people felt sorry for me and didn’t want to talk to me about their babies. I was having difficulty within myself to decide what I thought about babies and children. My grief and shame brought me into a very deep obsession that made me feel as if I could never be happy without a child. I was married on Epiphany day, January 6, 1974 and had my first miscarriage in 1976. I don’t remember the dates or how many miscarriages I had in a year. I only remember that I kept looking for answers. In 1978 I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ in my heart as my Savior. I have had an intimate relationship with Him ever since. I prayed and asked Jesus why I was having miscarriages and why I was not like my family and friends who had children. My husband tried to understand but he was happy with his work and his life. He was getting used to the idea that we may never have a child. I begged him to adopt. So we tried to adopt a child from the state and it just didn’t work out. We went to all of the classes and learned about the fact that we would be getting and older child, not a baby. We learned how the children are very hurt and most have been abused. But we could never get even one child to adopt. All of this time my faith was growing. You would think that I would give up, but I began to see in the bible how God gave barren women very important children.
Some of the biblical women are Sara, Abraham’s wife, Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist, and one of my favorites was Hannah. The story of Hannah goes like this. She was married to an Israelite named Elkanah. Elkanah had another wife named Peninnah who had children and Peninnah tormented Hannah for not having any children. Elkanah loved Hannah and gave her more than Peninnah. But Hannah was miserable. She was so sad that she would not eat. Her husband didn’t understand and she didn’t know what to do. But when they went to offer sacrifices to God one year, Hannah went into the temple and prayed with all of her heart. She prayed so hard that the priest, Eli, thought she was drunk. But when she told him that she was distraught and praying, he told her that the Lord had answered her prayer. Now her prayer included a gift to God of the child. She said she would give the child to God to live in the temple. She did have an answer to her prayer and her son was Samuel. He is one of the great men of God’s Word. This story is written in 1Samuel :1-22.
Well, don’t you know that I just had to pray the prayer of Hannah. Now I did not only pray this prayer, but many prayers. I watched many evangelist shows and went to many healing services. Sometimes the minister would pray over me and say that I was going to have the child I was praying for. Sometimes I would feel the Holy Spirit when I was watching a healer on TV.
Then I became pregnant in the spring of 1983. We were trying to adopt a baby in Korea and had gone through all of the meetings and paperwork and were supposed to get our baby girl in September. In July I told the administrator that I was pregnant but that I had always lost the babies before. But this company was one of the only agencies that will not let a person who is pregnant adopt. So the adoption was off. There was another loss.
In January on the 22nd of 1984 I gave birth to Dominic. It was Super Bowl Sunday. A day of celebration.
I know that Dominic has always really been the property of God, but I have never felt that torment again. God is so good.